My mom's letting me go to a doctor.

She has guesses that I have biploar. She has it and from what I discribed, it hits the mark. Stilll going to my doctor about it, though. Not assuming.

Oh.

note: biploar is not just random two different emotions, though that is a part of it.
It is also a co-existant-type-thing to depression. It also causes a person to... have to take themselves from a situation and... well, almost be OCD about words.

People don't get what I say or why I do things. I don't do things to purposefully make people feel bad. people think I do... and all I'm really trying to do is completely different.... *sighs and shakes head* I hate people saying it's other stuff... like I hate all people or something. *sighs* *shrugs* but. Oh well. People can think of me as they wish.

Maybe I think of things different from others because of bipolar. I don't know how everyone else thinks, though.

I finally got the cord so Pinata will have her photos. *le sigh* I have some ideas for photos. They're going to be cool, I hope.

Our whole upstairs is actually going to be a photo shoot stop, it seems. lol. Maybe I can just ask to change it every once in awhile. We'll see.

Liking so many of the arts are hard ;___; I want to be pretty. Again... a model but the photographer also. lol and NOT having to run back and forth. lolol

ANYONE ALSO WILLING TO BE A MODEL WITH PINATA?!?!?!?!

I took my recent pieces of literature down. I guess, yeah, I kinda wanted people to notice. I kinda wanted a bit of attention to prove to me someone noticed. Someone cared about my writing or something. maybe cared about me?

So, this place... just isn't a place for my literature. I think it's horrible if I place it on here.

I wanted attention, just like everyone else wants it here.... it's DEVIANTART! It's where we find friends, try to get pageviews, hope to get better, and hope that people look at it. *sighs* Or at least, that's what I see every deviant wanting.

Yeah, I want to put it up for people to enjoy... that's the main thing... but they're not enjoying it here, apparently. So... so it's just not the place.

I had something like this before, where I realized this. Yet I ignored it because I thought it might change... and it got worse...

so, it's just like the last time. I have my literature on a personal site but it just won't be on here... I'd rather expect no comments on there because it's a seperate site than the feeling of the piexes being awful because of the conditions here....

I did it silently. I wanted to. I don't WANT it to be a big thing. It's just... how this is. To deviantart, I'm an artist in training. maybe a photographer. Not a writer. So it's just not the right audience....

I know I haven't read some people's stuff. and I'm getting to it. I try not to skip and if I do it's because the deviantation mailbox is screwed up. I'll be able to work on those more when I feel better... and I'll comment more, too.

ttyl

edit:
Just to add, I DON'T want people feeling guilty or anything. That was NOT the purpose of this. It was to see if I really should have my literature here or not. That's it. I'm not mad or upset at anyone. Yeah, I'm a little upset at myself, but that will pass. Mkay? It's all good.

this beat is so funny...

Okay, I'll stop. lol

I do, however, find it extremely funny no one figured out what I did on here. xDD ohh boy. Just makes me feel ever so more down about this place. *shakes head*

Well. I'm gonna do some stuff. I'm extremely sick, it seems. It attacks your weakest part of your body (lungs for my mom and sinuses for my dad) and so I'm getting all drugged up. and these drugs makes me extremely weak and either they dry me out completely or make my nose and everything else run like crazy. lol. throat hurts like crazy. (crazy, isn't it? lol)

despite being sick, I want to try out some new stuff I got.

I envy people who can be models. My face it to pore-y (lol not a word. ) and stuff. and then I also do't want to be the model but I do. T__T 'Cause I know what I'm talking about pose and stuff wise... but, for instance, my dad said he could take my photo and so we tried it and he basically didn't do anything I wanted to do but in an abstract way. It was kinda depressing....

But I have ideas, still, I'm dying to try out. and will. and.... I need MORE models. lol like... not just the lovely Pinata. because I need interaction on some of them. lol

and I need a set.

So I'm actually thinking about turning my room into a place of many sets. We'll see how THAT goes. I still actually need my room... but it will at least get me to thoroughly clean my room.....

I need a smaller camera, too. lol. *sighs*

I also need to draw. I miss drawing.

I dunno. It might be one of those random depressing moments. But I really don't know. Not 'that time of the month' or anything. The only thing is I really have come to hate devianatart sometimes. Which causes things for me to do that will probably never be noticed.

I won NaNoWriMo AGAIN! 50,000 WORDS!

Sadly, I doubt I'll be able to do it next year. *sniff* We'll see but that's college and around the time the normal exams are... right before them and I really want to do really well in college.

I'm happy, though! Diamante's my longest book so far and it's not even done yet! xDD So we'll see when I finish it...

yeahh that's really all.

TIME TO RELAX!